Internal Family Systems (IFS)

 
 

Within each of us, a combination of different parts is constantly at work—making decisions, taking actions, and taking turns in the drivers seat. If that is difficult to visualize, consider how in cartoons, characters making difficult choices are sometimes shown with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, each giving conflicting advice. That example might be a little over-simplified, but it illustrates how we struggle to negotiate with our different parts, especially the ones we’d rather not acknowledge.

Deep, internal conflicts are often rooted in parts that have opposing interests. Shutting down parts associated with shame, grief, or anger is normal and sometimes is needed to get through difficult experiences early in life, but the outcome of this self-protection as we become adults can be unproductive and even destructive. Imagine substance abuse, compulsive behavior, and perfectionism as different parts acting out—as a way of keeping us from exploring deep-seated pain. Rather than numbing ourselves with distracting behaviors and activities, IFS therapy asks us to invite our parts into a conversation and to work with them to achieve clarity.

With gentle guidance and practice, you can learn how to welcome each of your parts with interest and openness, making space for self-awareness and eventually healing. Once you have fostered compassion and trust with all of your parts, you can begin to fully operate from your True Self—a centered place of clarity and authenticity. The objective of IFS therapy is for you to achieve self-leadership, where you are connected with and functioning from Self and able to direct your life with clarity and purpose. 

What is a typical IFS session like?

IFS sessions are unlike talk therapy. Rather than talking about your parts, we talk directly to your parts. Some describe these sessions as a mix between a guided meditation, and a guided visualization.

You are encouraged to close your eyes as you relax, take deep breaths, and try to tap into the different parts of yourself. As your focus shifts to your inner world, you may be asked to begin to identify a specific part that you would like to work with. Some people see the parts as images, hear them speak in their minds, or can sense them in a particular place in the body. If you notice a negative reaction towards the part, the therapist can help you detach from this reaction so you can explore the part with openness and curiosity.

In many ways, an IFS session is merely a conversation between your Self and your parts that is mediated by a skilled therapist. As you are guided to invite parts into the conversation, you will try to gain an understanding of what they do and why they are there, and build a relationship with these parts so that over time, they can shift the roles they are playing in your life. This can take time, because the Self and each part need to have an established, trusting relationship for communication between them to work.  

What types of parts are there? 

In IFS, each of your parts either protects you from something or are themselves being protected by another part. Distinct from these parts, the Self is the deep, authentic core where you are at your clearest, most compassionate, and trusting. Below are the three types of parts:

Managers

Managers are your most functional parts. Exerting influence over how you interact with the outside world, they naturally seek to protect you from harm and shield you from painful or traumatic memories and conscious experiences. 

Firefighters

Firefighters are the parts that show up to distract you with impulsive behaviors such as shopping, drugs and alcohol, sex, internet scrolling, and binge-watching shows. Firefighters can often arise quickly and forcefully, so much so that sometimes we feel we don’t have control over our own behavior.

Exiles

Exiles are the parts of you that are informed by past trauma, often from childhood. These are the parts that are associated with fear, pain, and shame. They are called exiles because they have been unconsciously kept out of your awareness to protect you from the suffering they hold. 

What is Self?

The Self is not a part, but rather the inner witness, the “I” that you perceive the world from. You find your calm, centered core in the Self — where you are wise, connected, and whole. You know you are operating from your Self when you feel trusting and curious. Self is the spiritual center and is the well from which a healthy, self-aware life can flow.

What is Unburdening?


Unburdening is what happens when your parts release the burdens  — the negative beliefs or painful emotions they’ve carried — allowing your parts to play healthy, harmonious roles in your life.

What’s the overall process like?

The overall process of IFS therapy is one of discovery, self-acceptance, and coming more fully into Self. As you get to know your parts with your therapist, and you give them the acceptance and love they need, they will heal and so will you. Eventually, you will operate from Self more of the time, and you will be aware of and able to work with your parts as they arise in your everyday life. 

How will IFS therapy help me feel?

Over time, IFS will help you feel clarity, calm, and aware of what is going on internally for you. You will feel compassion and understanding for your parts, and will learn to welcome and accept them. Many people who have gone through IFS therapy feel a sense of inner coherence and trust in their Self. This inner relationship of clarity and compassion often leads to healthier relationships, a stronger sense of purpose and values, and harmony between your inner and outer world. 

What are the desired outcomes of IFS therapy?

Living from Self, you will recognize when parts tug you in one direction or another, and you will be able to self-counsel your parts outside of therapy sessions. The ultimate goal of IFS therapy is to become aware of your parts and to establish a healthy, trusting internal system that is led by the Self. 

What can IFS help with?

The challenges that IFS is used to treat are wide-ranging. While it is effective for improving overall emotional and mental wellbeing, it is also useful for treating more acute issues such as:

  • Anxiety

  • Perfectionism

  • Procrastination

  • Impulsive behaviors

  • Depression

  • Trauma

  • Excessive shame/guilt

  • Challenges with substance use

  • Relationship difficulties

  • General personal growth

  • Spiritual development

How is IFS different than traditional psychotherapy?

IFS shifts the focus away from a diagnostic approach to mental health, where people are seen as having diseases, disorders, and illnesses. It offers an alternative to pathologizing behavior: it recognizes the important and often critical role these sometimes “destructive” parts have played in our early lives, while moving towards healing these parts so that we can move towards wholeness and integration. The IFS approach gives patients more agency — the power to understand, resolve, and eventually self-guide, rather than bearing the weight of a limiting diagnosis.